October 16, 2015

Waiting...if not us then who?

"Cause I hear a voice and it calls me redeemed,
when other's say I'll never be enough.
And greater is the One living inside of me,
than he who is living in the world.
I woke up this morning
Saw a world full of trouble now
Thought, how’d we ever get so far down
How’s it ever gonna turn around
So I turned my eyes to Heaven
I thought, “God, why don’t You do something?”
Well, I just couldn’t bear the thought of
People living in poverty
Children sold into slavery
The thought disgusted me
So, I shook my fist at Heaven
Said, “God, why don’t You do something?”
He said...
I'd love like I'm not scared
Give when it's not fair
Live life for another
Take time for a brother
Fight for the weak ones
Speak out for freedom...
If not us then who..."
This post has been stirring in my mind, and my heart for a couple months.
I just didn't know how to put it into words.
Summed up: It. Is. Hard. Waiting.
Even as I sit here and write that simple thought, it's all I can write to summarize what my heart feels. I knew the emotions would come, and that they would be different than being pregnant.  Goodness me, they are incredibly different. Maybe it's the fact that I'm "expecting" a child, but no one can physically see it. Or perhaps it's that, when I am asked, I don't have much news to share; or the amount of time to share exactly how I'm feeling. I think though, it boils down to the fact that I can't stop thinking. I can't stop wondering. I can't stop praying.
All while we're waiting. 
It hurts to know there are so many children waiting for homes; and my home is waiting for a child. It also hurts that waiting is something that can feel so lonely at times, even when you're surrounded by people.  Sometimes the very people that you thought would support you, are nowhere to be found, while surprise others seem to come alongside without your even needing to ask. Giving grace...taking grace...being thankful for grace.
The following pictures are me...I'm "expecting." Can't you see? Looking at it brings tears to my eyes because what you can't see is the growth of love for this child I don't even know yet. What you can't see are the hours of classes; the time spent preparing for our unknown future.  What you can't see are the prayers for a child.  A child who might feel alone, may be in an unsafe environment, who doesn't know that there is a safe home, a mommy and daddy, brothers who are waiting for them to come home.  What you also don't know is, these pictures were taken months apart...
We are fine waiting, but sometimes it's hard to wait for something so good. It's hard to watch other families also waiting to adopt, waiting to meet the child that God has specifically chosen for their family. Adoption is all about waiting.
What I am so thankful for, is even in my impatience, I am being taught patience by a God is eternally patient with me each day.  I am so thankful that it is not up to me to force the adoption process to proceed, because I know there is a God who already has it all figured out. I am thankful for the gift of adoption. That He chose me to be His, and that He doesn't judge my past, but only asks that I love Him and live for Him.
I am waiting, but I am oh, so thankful.
"There's hope in front of me
There's a light, I still see it..."
2015 K-Love Fan Awards Song of the Year (by Anthem Lights)

April 29, 2015

becoming a {family}

"Father to the fatherless...God places the lonely in families..."
Psalm 68:5

From the time I was a little girl, I somehow knew what adoption was. My Barbie's had adopted children, and I always secretly hoped that my parents would adopt a big brother for me. As far as I know, I wasn't exposed to adoption specifically; had no friends that were adopted, or family taking that step. It was just something that was always on my mind, and slowly became part of my heart. When Jason and I were dating even, the topic of adoption was discussed between us, and only continued to become deeper as we started our own family. 

"YOU are a helper of the fatherless..."
Psalm 10:14

What many people don't know, is that our adoption process has already been in "process" for almost two years. Back in May 2013 we made the first of many phone calls to our case worker to find out the initial steps we needed to take. Since then, we have really left this dream to adopt in the Lord's hands. We are confident that if we are to adopt, that He has the perfect child for our family. We are not rushing the process...not that you really can. We feel that if this is where our hearts are at, that it is going to happen in His perfect timing, not our own. There is a huge sense of peace that comes along with that; letting go.

"When I wait, You strengthen my heart."
Psalm 27:14

We also decided to adopt through DHS (Department of Human Services). This means that a child we adopt is coming out of the foster care system. This form of adoption required, and I am so thankful, many hours or training. I will write about that later on, but the training's were, and will be critical in knowing how to best care for and love the child that is placed in our home. 


Current Update: As of February 2015, we were re-certified, and our initial home study was re-activated for another year. We are able to "put in" for specific children if we choose. We are being very specific on the children we are putting in for, putting the needs of our two boys first, as well as our family in general. 

May 29, 2013 (journal to our future child)

Adoption is something I always knew  I wanted to do, but now we better know this was and is God's timing. Right now we are praying for your safety and health...We love you! Mom