August 15, 2014

Joy & Contentment.

This summer has seemed to fly by; the last seven weeks especially as my family grew to four. My days seem to slip by; making breakfast, changing diapers, changing clothes, playing cars, eating lunch, feeding a baby, attempting to get two naps lined up for a few moments of quiet, snack time, cuddling on the couch, making dinner, playing outside, going on a walk, giving two little guys baths, brushing teeth, reading a story and sending two kiddos off to bed. I get tired just writing it down, knowing tomorrow is going to be somewhat the same.
Even though it's physically and mentally draining, each night when they are both asleep I sit down and am thankful for the blessing of getting to be their mom. It is a hard job but one that I wouldn't want to trade for a executive position of a six-figure salary. The "night night, love you mommy," and the tiny baby smiles are all the payment I need to know I'm doing a job well-done. Those are also the things I cling to on the not-so-good days.
It was after a really fun day at the zoo with the four of us, that I realized something. God's love, and grace shine through my two sweet little boys. During the day, each animal that Blake saw brought such pure joy to his face, and that joy radiated through him throughout the day. That night as I finished feeding Easton, and looked down, he was completely at peace; all his needs met.

Pure Joy & Complete Peace

Praying that I too can learn to live with that same joy and peace in my own life. It's a daily battle; and some days a battle from minute to minute. I know that it would be so easy to give in and let the hurts and hard things of this world take over. To let the lies creep in that say, "I'm not good enough," that "I am failing," and that, "I don't have it all together."
Thankful to have a God who already conquered those lies and the pain and trials of this world. Blessed to know that this imperfect world is not my forever home, but that He has a perfect home waiting for me. That even when I may not feel joyful based on my current circumstances, I can choose to LIVE a joyful life, because He gave me this one life to live. When I feel my wants are not being met, I can choose to LIVE a content life, because He gave me so much.

"God is good all the time.
Put a song of praise in this heart of mine.
God is good, He's so good, all the time."

August 08, 2014

Amazing Grace.

Easton Wayne Bernard
June 29, 2014
7 lbs. 2 oz.  20"
I was greatly blessed over nine months ago when I found out I was pregnant, and would be a mom again. I was blessed eight months ago when I heard the sweet sound of a heartbeat.  I was blessed five months ago when I found out I was having a son. But, the ultimate blessing was when I held my sweet Easton in my arms for the first time.
It all started Saturday morning at 5:30am. Friday afternoon I had had a routine check up at was at 2cm. Saturday I woke up and felt the first of many contractions, although I knew what I was feeling was not strong enough to do much. Throughout the day my contractions would come and go, but weren't getting stronger or closer together. Around four in the afternoon we went on a walk, and that seemed to get my contractions moving along a little more; between 5-8 min apart. After eating dinner, we chose to go get checked at the hospital just in case we were further along than we thought.

We got to the maternity triage, and were checked around 7:00pm. At that point I was at 4cm, but my contractions weren't consistent enough for them to keep me. So after walking the halls for an hour and being monitored, we were sent home with the goodbye from the nurse of, "See you later on tonight."
We made it home around 9:30pm, and by ten I was laying in bed having intense contractions between 2-9 minutes apart. The "real" contractions had begun. These were strong ones that would last over two minutes at times, and often wouldn't actually come back down...I knew we needed to get to the hospital, and fast! Thankfully Aunt Carrie was already spending the night at our house to watch Blake, so we were able to leave for the hospital around 11pm.

Since it was past 'working hours' we had to check in though the ER...when they asked me what I was being seen for, I felt like the answer should be pretty obvious. Thankfully my answer of, "Active labor," was good enough to wheel me through a maze of hallways back to the Labor and Delivery unit. The same nurse 'welcomed' us back...although all I wanted was to get to our delivery room. After being checked a little after 11pm, I was at was at 6cm, and officially admitted to have my boy!

You would think walking a few doors down the hall wouldn't be so hard...but during that short FIVE minute walk my body dilated from six to ten centimeters...a pain I never could have imagined. My body would not stop shaking the whole time I was in labor...looking back, I would do it all again. Somehow the amazing anesthesiologist was able to get me a epidural in less than six minutes...something the doctor was very proud of; all I cared about was it worked, and worked fast. It was officially time to meet our newest little boy.
At 2:59am, after pushing for about 40 minutes, our sweet little Easton was born. One of the things I will never forget, is I was the one that got to pull him onto my chest. What an amazing feeling to hold your son and after so much pain, be the one that physically carries him into this world. Looking into his tiny face, I couldn't help but think how much he looked like me, and how 'big' is was...well lots bigger than his brother had been at birth.
Blake's first time meeting his little brother.
My heart was instantly so full; my family of three was now blessed beyond what I ever could have imagined to now be a family of four.
Zoo Trip - July 2014
The feelings of great blessings continued as Easton met his grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, but more importantly when he met his brother. Blake loved pointing out Easton's tiny face, fingers and many amazing memories to come watching these two grow as brothers and as friends.