An Answer.

Truth.
Truth, today has been an emotional day.
Truth, God is still good.
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When you're walking through the adoption process, your heart is being stretched. Each step, each family's experience, is completely different, and yet so beautifully similar.  See adoptive families choose love. They are making the choice to love children that haven't experinced, or need to learn again what love is. "Every adoption is a miracle. After all, it is God working things out so that a hurting orphan finds his or her way into a family with open arms. It is the building of families in a way that allows God's plans to play out in a very real way" (A Treasury of Adoption Miracles).
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Every adoption is a miracle.

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This last week we asked you to pray. To pray a simple prayer. We prayed too. God answered; although He didn't answer perhaps in the way our hearts were hoping. Today we learned that a little girl will be placed in her forever home, just that, that home is not ours. Forever. We learned today that two twin boys will be going home to live with their older siblings, who have been previsouly adopted. They will be in a new forever home, but will grow up with some of their siblings. Forever.

That's beautiful.

That hurts.

But, that's God's plan.

We can totally see that. Although our hearts and home were ready and waiting for a, "You have been chosen," we believe that God answered our prayers, and the prayers of so many of you. 

These children are going home. 

Home. 

They are too young to comprehend their loss, but they will grow to learn all that they are gaining: security, love, family, siblings and hope. Because some couples chose to love, these little ones will now know what love is for the rest of their lives. So thankful for that.

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They are too young to comprehend their loss, 
but they will grow to learn all that they are gaining...
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After sharing this news with our parents, my dad reminded me that, "...you WERE selected twice before..." So amazengly true. Our hearts are waiting to welcome new children, but we are ever thankful for the sweet blessings of our children we get to shower with love each day. Our boys have taught us what it means to love, reguardless of how we feel physically or emotionally. We were chosen to be their parents, and for that we are so grateful. 

Truth. 

Truth, today has been an emotional day.
Truth, God is still good.

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A Treasury of Adoption Miracles by Karen Kingsbury

join in simple prayer >>>

"Not much happens in three years, and then I'm calling you a couple times in one week..."

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Those were the words our case worker spoke this last week over the phone. These could be potentially life changing words. Amazing words.

You see this last week, we have felt, and witnessed the power of prayer. Just a couple weeks ago we had recieved an email that made adoption seem like a dream that would have to wait for awhile. We started to pray, "God, Please move in a mighty way. Make something happen, so we know You are in this." He has done that. Within days of writing and praying about our situtation, and where our hearts were, crazy things have taken place. 

Crazy to us that is.

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"The fewer words, the better prayer." -Martin Luther

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Prayer is powerful. Prayer is mighty even when we don't really know what to pray. After getting off the phone, all my mind and heart could pray was, "Dear God, Ok You have got this. Help."

That simple prayer has been re-prayed over and over since then. And I am totally okay with that, beause I know that it's good enough. 

Help. Help us make the choices we need to this next week. Help by praying.

Although we can't share those choices that are pending right now, we ask that you would join us in simple prayer. We are confident that God is moving in a powerful and mighty way. He is bringing beauty out of broken lives, and we get to witness it firsthand reguardless of the outcome. 

Little kiddo's storys' are moving forward; and for that we are so thankful.

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"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 

Philippians 4:6-7

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Face-to-Face with Grace.

There seem to be countless moments in each day that you have the choice to shower someone with grace, or cover them with pain. Many of these moments are small and fleeting, but some, depending on your choice, may have a lifelong impact.  The thing is, this impact can be negative, but it can also be overwhelmingly, and powerfully positive.

Young lives are shaped by the grace that's shown them. They watch how the adults in their lives react towards each other. They learn how they should respond; even when the learned responses are wrong. The thing is adults make mistakes. The problem comes, when those mistakes effect the people around them. For thousands of innocent children, their lives will forever be changed due to the choices made by the very parents that were suppose to love them.

This is the hard reality when it comes to foster care and adoption. In order for a child to be removed from their birthparents, somewhere pain had to happen. Somehow, that child's view of grace was shattered or skewed. They've had to learn how to survive. In some cases, that can result in seeking love from anyone, while in other instances, it means a complete blocking of letting people in.

There is hope. True grace, God's grace, is mightier than sin, it's stronger than any pain. It doesn't erase it, but it covers it; it can make someone new. I've seen it happen. It is amazing. See, true grace can be played out in people.

People can display grace to others. 

I saw this in the life of three year old Katie*. Sweet Katie was placed into a foster home. Her mommy and daddy weren't there, and now there were these new people. These people whispered in her ear that she's be safe, that they would be there always. But, even at the young age of three, Katie had already put up walls to protect herself. Those sweet words, were just words, and needed to be backed up with actions. I'm sure she must of had thoughts about if they would still be there if she misbehaved. Would they still say they loved her if she threw her food or wet the bed? Would they rock her to sleep, and hold her gently, or would she have to be so careful and quiet so no physical pain would come to her?

I met Katie at a Foster Parent Night Out, after she was placed in this new foster home. This home that would love her reguardless of her faults. That would teach her, and shower her with grace. That would attempt to break down those walls she had needed to construct, and show her unconditional God's love. Over the months, I watched as this quiet little girl learned to trust. She began to make eye contact; she began to smile.

On our final evening of the year, she was sitting on my lap, with her big brown eyes staring into mine. She grabbed my hand, smiled and just held on. As I looked into her eyes, I realized that I was face-to-face with grace. It had been played out right in front of me:

 "And after you have suffered a little while, 

the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, 

will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you."

1 Peter 5:10

Restore. Confirm. Strengthen. Establish.

These are the steps that this foster family took. These are the steps that freed this little girl, and prepared her to trust again. These are the steps that transformed her into a different little girl, a little girl who won't stop talking, who smiles and who loves. These are the steps that will now help her to transition from being this family's foster daughter, to someone's adopted daughter. 

Grace.

...

So thankful for this lesson I learned. I already am thoughtfully practing showing grace to my own children, and look forward to the day that we can shower this same grace and love on the child we adopt. 

*Her name was changed to protect her.

While we're waiting...

"every good and

perfect gift,

is from above..."

James 1:17

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Last year, 11,238 children spent at least one day in some kind of foster care in Oregon (2015).

An average of 7,570 children were in foster care on a daily basis.

56.1% of these children were reunited with their families.

A total of 814 children had adoptions finalized in 2015.

Information From: 2015 Child Welfare Data Book

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"...to look after

orphans...in their distress..."

James 1:27

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These are the numbers, these are the truths, these are children.

These are the children that we have been praying for specifically. Praying that one of them would come out of their brokenness, brokenness they did not ask for or seek, and find a new family through adoption. We have submitted our family for a handful of little lives, and have fervently prayed that regardless if they end up with us, that they would end up in a forever home.

The last two years, we've had the privilege of serving foster families, and foster kids through the programs, 'Foster Parent Night Out.' Once a month, we spend four hours on a Saturday evening, pouring love into the lives of foster kids local to the area. Their foster parents then get some time to spend together. It's a beautiful thing to witness each month. We've seen kids grow, change and become part of a family, due to living in a stable environment, some for the first time in their young lives.  Perhaps the most encouraging thing we've witnessed getting to serve in this way, is the change in our own hearts.

We always knew we loved these sweet children. We don't view them as broken, their lives might be, but they are beautiful. We have the desire to adopt. 

But, what do we do while we wait?

That is where the change came about. It's not about us. It's not about our feelings. It's truly about the children. That being said, starting in June, we are going to begin fostering children.  More specifically, young children.  We will be fostering children that have a higher potential to become adoptable. 

There are no guarantees. 

Yes, it will be hard.

But, it will be so worth it.

What we can guarantee, is that whether a child is in our home for one day, six months, or forever, they will know they are loved, they will know they are safe. Even though it may be hard, what these children have endured is far worse, and they won't have to endure it on their own. It will be worth it, not for what we can offer, or what we will gain, but because we will see little lives change for the better. It will be worth it because this might be how we meet our next child. What a blessing it would be to meet them, care for them and love them from the moment they come into care, from the moment they come into our home. 

Regardless if we meet our next child through foster care to eventual adoption, or through adoption, we know this is the path we need to take for our family. It might seem scary to some, maybe even crazy, but honestly it used to seem that way to me too when I would see another family fostering. But it doesn't anymore. Which is why we are so confident in this choice. We aren't sure on how long, what it will look like or what children we will have, but we do know this is right where we are suppose to be.

Waiting...if not us then who?

"Cause I hear a voice and it calls me redeemed,

when other's say I'll never be enough.

And greater is the One living inside of me,

than he who is living in the world.

 

I woke up this morning
Saw a world full of trouble now
Thought, how’d we ever get so far down
How’s it ever gonna turn around
So I turned my eyes to Heaven
I thought, “God, why don’t You do something?”
Well, I just couldn’t bear the thought of
People living in poverty
Children sold into slavery
The thought disgusted me
So, I shook my fist at Heaven
Said, “God, why don’t You do something?”
He said...

 

I'd love like I'm not scared
Give when it's not fair
Live life for another
Take time for a brother
Fight for the weak ones
Speak out for freedom...

 

If not us then who..."

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adoption>>>

 

This post has been stirring in my mind, and my heart for a couple months.

I just didn't know how to put it into words.

 

Summed up: It. Is. Hard. Waiting.

 

Even as I sit here and write that simple thought, it's all I can write to summarize what my heart feels. I knew the emotions would come, and that they would be different than being pregnant.  Goodness me, they are incredibly different. Maybe it's the fact that I'm "expecting" a child, but no one can physically see it. Or perhaps it's that, when I am asked, I don't have much news to share; or the amount of time to share exactly how I'm feeling. I think though, it boils down to the fact that I can't stop thinking. I can't stop wondering. I can't stop praying.

 

All while we're waiting. 

 

It hurts to know there are so many children waiting for homes; and my home is waiting for a child. It also hurts that waiting is something that can feel so lonely at times, even when you're surrounded by people.  Sometimes the very people that you thought would support you, are nowhere to be found, while surprise others seem to come alongside without your even needing to ask. Giving grace...taking grace...being thankful for grace.

 

The following pictures are me...I'm "expecting." Can't you see? Looking at it brings tears to my eyes because what you can't see is the growth of love for this child I don't even know yet. What you can't see are the hours of classes; the time spent preparing for our unknown future.  What you can't see are the prayers for a child.  A child who might feel alone, may be in an unsafe environment, who doesn't know that there is a safe home, a mommy and daddy, brothers who are waiting for them to come home.  What you also don't know is, these pictures were taken months apart...

 

Waiting.

 

We are fine waiting, but sometimes it's hard to wait for something so good. It's hard to watch other families also waiting to adopt, waiting to meet the child that God has specifically chosen for their family. Adoption is all about waiting.

 

What I am so thankful for, is even in my impatience, I am being taught patience by a God is eternally patient with me each day.  I am so thankful that it is not up to me to force the adoption process to proceed, because I know there is a God who already has it all figured out. I am thankful for the gift of adoption. That He chose me to be His, and that He doesn't judge my past, but only asks that I love Him and live for Him.

 

I am waiting, but I am oh, so thankful.

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"There's hope in front of me
There's a light, I still see it..."

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2015 K-Love Fan Awards Song of the Year (by Anthem Lights)

Mommy Moments.

"Uh-oh mommy...Mommy I'm hungry....

Mom, yucky...Mommy, mama, mom!"

If you're not careful this can happen, correction will happen, if and when you become a mom. I love that name, and all the many forms and tones it comes in. I dreamt of becoming a mom when I was little. Imagined all of the sweet snuggles, bath time fun and walks to the park. These dreams are now my reality, and I am so thankful for the little boys that changed my title and direction in life.

After adding in baby boy number two, I've learned some things already. I am surrounded by cars, trains, diapers and dirt all the time. My boys could care less if I've showered, painted my nails, exercised or eaten breakfast myself. The days go so fast, yet the hour before dad comes home seems to drag on. The moment they are resting peacefully in their rooms, I stop and scan the house...

"...Do I take a ' mommy moment,' 

or do I cook, clean or complain."

It is in this moment a choice is made, do I take a 'mommy moment,' or do I cook, clean or complain. I'll admit,  I often tend to lean toward the latter. I've realized even if dinner is ready, the house is clean and my mind is clear; if I haven't invested time in me, I'm no good. I've learned I need to fuel myself if I'm going to help my busy family run smoothly.

"If I haven't invested time in me, I'm no good."

I don't know why taking a moment for myself can be so hard. Perhaps it's because I enjoy putting others before me, but I know too that those same 'others' love me, and want me to be happy too. So I've been trying to be more diligent in taking time during the day to be at rest for me. Reading my Bible, drinking a coffee, while sitting down, putting on make-up, painting or writing, these all serve the same purpose. These are are MY moments, not theirs. I have learned its not being selfish or lazy to invest in me.

Even the woman described in Proverbs 31, after taking care of her family and home, also took care of herself. She spent time: weaving, cooking, gardening, exercising, sewing, giving, decorating, selling and studying God's word (Proverbs 31:10-31).  I used to read through this section and think, "Man that's a crazy list. I don't have time for that." But the truth is, I want the result from living a life like she did, "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come...Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her..." (Pro. 31:25,28). She is living a life of peace and rest, and those living with her on a daily basis can see a difference in her. I want this too.

"These are MY moments, not theirs."

So now, everyday, I vow to take some time to fill myself up. Some days this might be only a few minutes, while other days (depending on nap time success...or not), it might be longer. The importance is not the length of time, but the intention behind the time I set aside. I vow to be intentional toward how I treat myself. If I take a 'mommy moment,' then everyone, not just me, will be positively affected. "Honor her for all that her hands have done..." (Pro. 31:31).

Before & After

Considering the fact that my "baby" is now almost 16 months old I thought it might be good to finally get some pictures of his room transformation. I figure that in the next few years it will change into a 'big-boy' room, so I wanted to make sure to document his nursery before anything changes.

 *   *   *

I will admit...looking at the before pictures of his room, both Jason and I questioned why we bought our house in the first place...it needed some work and love that's for sure.

BEFORE

Blake's room was the first room in the house we wanted to make sure we got started on and finished...you can tell by my painting pictures that little Blake was going to be coming soon. :)  If you have ever been pregnant and 'nested,' you know that this room might have been enough to send you over the edge.  Eventually though we got it all done...not before he arrived though, since someone decided to come three-weeks early.

We literally ended up re-doing everything in the room. From new outlets, floor and window molding, carpet and paint, we worked hard to transform this dingy room into one that our sweet little boy could grow to love.

Painting the Stripes:
Step 1: Tape out the correct widths for the stripes.
Step 2: Use the original base color (gray) paint, and paint over the tape side you are going to paint the new color (white). (See this step in the picture) This step seals the tape line, so that when you remove the tape after painting you have a crisp line with little touch-ups needed. Amazing time saver!
Step 3: Then paint the white on the other stripes. After it dries, touch up the paint and carefully peal off the tape.

Building the window-seat was one of our goals for the spot in front of the window. Thankfully Jason's dad was able to help make it happen. I love this special touch to his room.

AFTER

Blake's favorite place in his room...Reading books and snuggling in the rocking chair.

Chalkboard Paint

Oh chalkboard paint, if only I had been the one that invented you...there are just so many possibilities. Funny how it is so popular now that schools have transitioned to the digital age. I love this home decor trend, but especially love when it is used in a new way.

I decided to use some chalkboard spray paint with my latest project. I picked up a kids table and chair set at local second-hand store for $13. It was the classic white top with light wood...a little dingy looking, but with some chalkboard paint this table was given new life. Like my husband, Jason, said, "Two-year old Blake will love it." :)

Supplies Needed:

                                        1. Kids table and chair set.
                                        2. Screw driver (taking the table-top and chair seats off for painting)
                                        3. Chalkboard spray paint, and white spray paint.

Total Cost:  Around $20

Before: $13.00 table and chair set.

After: Completed chalkboard tabletop and chair seats.

So in LOVE with how this table turned out. 

Excited to get it upstairs and start turning our family room 

into a room that our family can actually enjoy and spend time in. 

Can't wait to see the many art projects and fun our kids and their 

friends will have around this little table.

Happy SEVEN Months, and Happy New Year!

Blake Denver - SEVEN Months

• He knows his name, and will grin when you call to him.
• He enjoys playing peek-a-boo; has started pulling his blanket over his own face and then pulling it down to play too.
• He can sit up unsupported...this is crazy to think our little baby can do this!
• He is starting to put weight on his legs, and will stand holding onto something.
• He is starting to push with his legs when he is on his tummy.
• He is a chatterbox; he enjoys yelling and making silly sounds.
• He love to play with his toys now; everything goes into his mouth. 
• Favorite Toys: Teething rings, soft books, any toy that plays music, and many more.
• He is working on teeth! Drooling and chewing, but no sign of any popping through yet. :)
• He sat up in the tub for the first time...with mom backing him up.
• He sleeping much better at night (AMEN!): He only eats once; if that during the night.
• He likes "wrestling" and playing.
• He really enjoys 'real' food. Mom and Dad made a lot of it on our own.
• New foods this month: sweet potatoes, prunes, carrots, barley cereal, oatmeal, pears, peaches and green beans. His favorites are the veggies!
• He will hold his own bottle when he eats...the other night he just took it from Jason and fed himself the whole thing.
• He tried drinking juice out of a sippy cup...we are going to keep working on this. :)
• He traveled to the beach after Christmas with the Bernard side of the family; spent lots of play time with his cousin Cayden :) It will be so neat to see them grow up together.
• He is learning how to clap...so close!
• He laughs when tickled, and will try to push away when he is done.
• He rode in the cart sitting up at the grocery store for the first time.
• He has started with a little separation anxiety...hoping that doesn't last or isn't too bad for him, because it is pretty sad for us parents.
• He spent his first weekend at home alone with mom while dad was gone for Men's Retreat with church; we made it! 

After creating the list of accomplishments for this month, and reminiscing with Jason about all the changes, I can't help but get a little teary.  I am one proud mama, and my sweet little boy is only 7 months old. It is hard to imagine being more proud, but I know the moments will come as he continues to grow and develop. At a play date this last month a friend and I decided that we are choosing to rest in the moment now, because our little boys are just growing up so fast. Someday I want to be able to look back on these moments of firsts and remember how they felt.

Loves looking at animals.

Great Grandpa Bernard

Happy Birthday Grandpa Nolz

Blake amazes me, and it is already evident to me that I am wrapped around his little pudgy fingers. When his whole face lights up when I say his name, when he snuggles in, when he is getting sleepy or when he opens his mouth big and wide for some carrots my heart swells. I never knew I could care about and love someone so much. It has been a blessing getting to watch Jason become a wonderful dad, and to live out my dream of being a mom. What an amazing responsibility and gift having a sweet baby has been. Excited to see how Blake and our family will continue to grow and change in 2013.

Happy Seven Months, and Happy New Year!

Master Bedroom

I am finally ready to post some of the hard work that Jason and I have put into our house since we moved in in April. We knew that we wanted the master bedroom done before Blake came...not that that happened, but the big things, like the paint, closet doors and new furniture were done when he came early. I must say that it does feel like a retreat when I go in there. So thankful for a finished room that is so light and beautiful.

After

Before