in the wait.

Wait.

Maybe...

Nope, just wait.

Just wait, I've got this...

We've all been there; in the wait. It's especially hard to wait when you're waiting for something good, something you can't do on your own. We are in the wait for our third child...and what a beautifully painful wait it is to wade through adoption.

adoption.

This past fall, we were selected to go to committee for a sweet, little, baby boy. Shortly after the committee met, we found out we were the family placed in second position. Second.  Second is a hard place to be, when you could so easily picture what it would have been like if the decision had gone the other way.

Our hearts are overjoyed to know that this little one has a new forever home.

forever.

We couldn't have known the pain that would come though, from those words, "almost."
The tears came, and just flowed. It was confusing because their was pain, mixed with joy for this boy we had prayed would find his family. That prayer was answered. Praise God!

"Mom, I want you to put your tears away."

-Blake

Crazy thing is, this loss to us, of what could have been, means we are closer to finding our child. 

We are closer to meeting them. 

We are closer to bringing them home. 

We are closer; and we will continue the wait.

adoption : the act or process of beginning 

to use something new or different

Some BIG, Little Things...

Taking JOY in the small things is something that I have really been trying to focus on the last few months. Life just goes by too fast, and if you aren't paying attention, you are going to miss out on some big, little things. Thankful that during this time of year we are reminded to be thankful...strange that sometimes we need to be reminded of that, but it is true we do.

I am very thankful for the big things like family, friends, our home, health and so many more, but there are so many other things that I am grateful for. Here are some of the recent things I have noticed:

• The soft feel of cotton sheets at night.
• When Blake wants to read a book he crawls up in your lap.
• The sweet sound of cousins playing with each other.
• A cup of coffee shared with a friend by the fireplace.
• The smell of a newborn baby.
• Chubby legs and big bellies. 
• The wind blowing the last leaves from a giant oak tree.
• Babies speaking in their own language.
• The smell of dinner cooking throughout the day.

Those are just a few of the moments I'm trying to remember and reflect on. Things so simple, and yet so important in my day. Take JOY today in the small things in your life...once you start looking for them you will be surprised how many you are able to come up with.

“Joy is the realest reality, the fullest life, 

and joy is always given, never grasped. 

God gives gifts and I give thanks and 

I unwrap the gift given: joy.” 

                                                                                                                          ~Ann Voskamp, author of, "One Thousand Gifts"

 

Merry 6 Months

Blake Denver - SIX Months

• He now is now: 16lbs. 1.5oz. (25th percentile), 27" long (75th percentile).
• He is now wearing 6-9 month clothes and size 3 diapers.
• He loves taking baths...he has outgrown his baby tub, and is taking them in the bathtub.
• He is down to only TWO naps during the day, and goes down for the night around 8:00pm.
• He is no longer swaddled at night or during his naps to sleep.
• He is making lots of sounds: tongue between lips and blowing bubbles, "D" sound and many more.
• He has learned how to yell :).
• He laughs when tickled and anticipates it coming when he sees your hand.
• He laughs when people sneeze.
• He squeals and smiles when the camera comes out.
• He is learning to sit up on his own; still needs support.
• He started eating 'real' food! So far we have tried: rice cereal, peas and applesauce.
• He rolled over from his back to his tummy for the first time.
• He enjoys play dates with many of his friends...well they will be someday :)
• He experienced snow for the first time...I think he loves it as much as his mommy.
• He enjoyed celebrating Christmas with the Nolz' and the Bernard's...we are blessed with the family that surrounds us.

We really enjoyed the time off this Christmas break as a family. Jason was home for three weeks, so we got to make many memories with our little man. One of my favorites was taking Blake out to get our Christmas tree. It was just a little rainy, but Blake seemed to love the day, and gave us many sweet little smiles.

We got to celebrate Christmas with tons a family. It is so much fun, and so much of a blessing to see the family that Blake is now a part of. We are looking forward to many more memories in the years to come.

Nolz Family Christmas 2012

Grandma and Grandpa Bernard

Uncle Gary, Aunt Kinsey and Us

Blake even got to go see Santa for the first time. :) He wouldn't look at Santa or smile at us...I guess that's better than crying right?

We are so thankful for our sweet baby boy, and are very much looking forward to 2013 and all the memories I know we are going to make. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

5 Months Old

Blake Denver - FIVE Months

• He now is now almost 15 pounds!
• He is now wearing 6 month clothes.
• He is growing...I hope because he is waking up again at night to eat and be comforted...
• He is down to only three naps during the day.
• He laughed for the first time on his five month birthday :) Best gift ever!
• He love to "talk" and has a very sweet little voice.
• He loves looking in the mirror at his reflection, and looking at mom or dad too.
• He found his toes, and plays with them all the time.
• He accidentally rolled from his back to his tummy...real ones haven't happened yet.
• He rolled over from his tummy to his back for the first time (on his 4 month birthday).
• He enjoys play dates with many of his friends...well they will be someday :)
• He tried baby oatmeal for the first time...we are going to try again next month.
• He loves to be naked; he will talk up a storm and wiggle all around when he is.
• He yells out before he has a really big sneeze.
• He celebrated his first big holidays: Halloween and Thanksgiving.
• He loves Christmas...I don't know for sure but since I was singing "Deck the Halls" when he laughed I think that is a pretty good sign.

What a month to be thankful for. So thankful for my family, our new home, my friends, my church, Jason's job and so many more things. We are such a blessed family; I thank the Lord that He is taking care of our needs and providing for our family.

Happy Thanksgiving from the Bernard Family!

Master Bedroom

I am finally ready to post some of the hard work that Jason and I have put into our house since we moved in in April. We knew that we wanted the master bedroom done before Blake came...not that that happened, but the big things, like the paint, closet doors and new furniture were done when he came early. I must say that it does feel like a retreat when I go in there. So thankful for a finished room that is so light and beautiful.

After

Before

Blake's Angel Buddy

Friends are something that once you find them you don't ever want to let them go. They help you when you are struggling, and are there to cheer you on when things are going good. Sometimes we meet them when we are very young, or we meet later in life. No matter when the moment happens; that friend is something so precious.

Blake, Jason and I, along with many others were expectantly awaiting the arrival of Blake’s ‘Little Buddy.’ Our friend’s Tim and Michelle were anticipating welcoming their own son this month. Michelle and I had had many conversations about watching our boys grow up together, about watching them go from baby buddies to friends.

On Sunday, the Lord determined that this sweet little boy was going to open his eyes in heaven. Blake’s sweet friend-to-be is playing with the angels. Little Ezra James was born, although he was already welcomed into God’s loving arms, Sunday, October 14^th 2012 and weighed  7lbs. 15oz. and was 21 in. long. Michelle and I decided we know who the “little” buddy actually would have been. 

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

Isaiah 55:8-9

My heart hurts for the plans that I had made for that boy, and the dreams that I know his parents had for him. But, God had and has greater plans. I am confident that the Lord has a plan in this; which has been seen with the amount of lives Ezra has changed already. I am confident that the Lord did not make a mistake; His ways are not my ways. His ways are good; His ways are just; clinging to that promise. I am blessed by his mercy shown to Tim and Michelle even through this time. Thankful for the strength and peace that can only come from above.

Dear Blake,

Ezra is still your little buddy my love. 

Just last week mommy and you felt him move in his mommy’s tummy 

and the four of us had our picture taken together; the first of many. 

But, now your little buddy is watching out for you in heaven. 

He is waiting to meet you, to play with you one day for all eternity, how amazing is that? 

He never knew the sadness we are feeling right now, 

he only knows what it is like to walk and learn from Jesus. 

I just pray you would get to enjoy this life my sweet baby boy, 

but with a yearning for your perfect home yet to come. 

I pray that you would come to love the Lord 

as much as your mommy and daddy do.

Your little angel buddy, Ezra, will always be carried in our hearts.

Love, Mommy

Joyful. Patient. Faithful.

Blake Denver - ONE Month

• He has grown from his birth weight, 6lbs. 6oz, to 8lbs. 13.5oz.
• He is still wearing Newborn sized clothes.
• He loves being swaddled...most of the time.
• He has big beautiful dark blue eyes.
• Has lots of dark brown hair, with some lighter hair underneath.
• He smiles with his whole face while he is sleeping and after he has eaten.
• He is starting to really focus in on faces.
• He recognizes his mom and dad's smells, faces and voices.
• He has a few nicknames: Squeaker (after all the little sounds he makes), Little Man and Little Bug
• He still gets woken up every three hours to eat by mom and dad...even though he could sleep longer.
• He loves to snuggle, especially after his belly is nice and full.
• He likes going for rides in his stroller, unless he gets woken up by a bump in the road.
• He falls asleep every time he gets put in the car.
• He 'accidentally' rolled over from his tummy to his back...twice.
• He still gets hiccups a least once a day...same as when he was inside his mommy.
• He enjoys sleeping, and coos while he is settling in.

"Your hands made me and formed me."

Psalm 119:73

 "We love because he first loved us."

1 John 4:19

 "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

Romans 12:12

 

We are so in love with our sweet little boy. It is amazing to think that it has already been a month that he has been in our lives because it feels like we have known him forever. We have been working really hard this month getting his weight up and getting him to become a good eater. It has been a lot of work, and not so much sleep, but so worth the effort.  He has diffidently grown this month, and already he looks so much different than when we first brought him home from the hospital. We have been so blessed by so many family and friends that have helped us welcome our new little man. So many wonderful meals, and visitors have come to welcome Blake, and to make us as parents feel a little less overwhelmed.  So very thankful for the support we have had, and for the world that we get to raise Blake in.

Our family of two is now three.