Open your heart, He said. Follow Me, He said. Let Me be the one that guides. ________________________________________________
________________________________________________ If you had asked me when I was days from turning 30, if I would have two young boys, be 30-weeks pregnant and caring for a newborn; all at the same time; I wouldn't have believed you. I wouldn't have thought I could handle it. Truth. I can't handle it. Truth. He can sustain, and He has got this. If you had asked me even just a few weeks ago, I wouldn't have expected this. But, "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine" (Isaish 55:8). These ten tiny toes have altered my heart in ways that I never would have known. They have transformed our family, and taught us how to love in a new way. This sweet little girl has forever changed us. We don't know how long she will be a part of our family, but we have been, and are so thankful for the time we have had with her. She is a blessing. She is wanted. She is loved.
Truth.
Truth, today has been an emotional day.
Truth, God is still good.
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When you're walking through the adoption process, your heart is being stretched. Each step, each family's experience, is completely different, and yet so beautifully similar. See adoptive families choose love. They are making the choice to love children that haven't experinced, or need to learn again what love is. "Every adoption is a miracle. After all, it is God working things out so that a hurting orphan finds his or her way into a family with open arms. It is the building of families in a way that allows God's plans to play out in a very real way" (A Treasury of Adoption Miracles).
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Every adoption is a miracle.
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This last week we asked you to pray. To pray a simple prayer. We prayed too. God answered; although He didn't answer perhaps in the way our hearts were hoping. Today we learned that a little girl will be placed in her forever home, just that, that home is not ours. Forever. We learned today that two twin boys will be going home to live with their older siblings, who have been previsouly adopted. They will be in a new forever home, but will grow up with some of their siblings. Forever.
That's beautiful.
That hurts.
But, that's God's plan.
We can totally see that. Although our hearts and home were ready and waiting for a, "You have been chosen," we believe that God answered our prayers, and the prayers of so many of you.
These children are going home.
Home.
They are too young to comprehend their loss, but they will grow to learn all that they are gaining: security, love, family, siblings and hope. Because some couples chose to love, these little ones will now know what love is for the rest of their lives. So thankful for that.
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They are too young to comprehend their loss, but they will grow to learn all that they are gaining...
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After sharing this news with our parents, my dad reminded me that, "...you WERE selected twice before..." So amazengly true. Our hearts are waiting to welcome new children, but we are ever thankful for the sweet blessings of our children we get to shower with love each day. Our boys have taught us what it means to love, reguardless of how we feel physically or emotionally. We were chosen to be their parents, and for that we are so grateful.
Truth.
Truth, today has been an emotional day.
Truth, God is still good.
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A Treasury of Adoption Miracles by Karen Kingsbury
Those were the words our case worker spoke this last week over the phone. These could be potentially life changing words. Amazing words.
You see this last week, we have felt, and witnessed the power of prayer. Just a couple weeks ago we had recieved an email that made adoption seem like a dream that would have to wait for awhile. We started to pray, "God, Please move in a mighty way. Make something happen, so we know You are in this." He has done that. Within days of writing and praying about our situtation, and where our hearts were, crazy things have taken place.
Prayer is powerful. Prayer is mighty even when we don't really know what to pray. After getting off the phone, all my mind and heart could pray was, "Dear God, Ok You have got this. Help."
That simple prayer has been re-prayed over and over since then. And I am totally okay with that, beause I know that it's good enough.
Help. Help us make the choices we need to this next week. Help by praying.
Although we can't share those choices that are pending right now, we ask that you would join us in simple prayer. We are confident that God is moving in a powerful and mighty way. He is bringing beauty out of broken lives, and we get to witness it firsthand reguardless of the outcome.
Little kiddo's storys' are moving forward; and for that we are so thankful.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
We've all been there; in the wait. It's especially hard to wait when you're waiting for something good, something you can't do on your own. We are in the wait for our third child...and what a beautifully painful wait it is to wade through adoption.
adoption.
This past fall, we were selected to go to committee for a sweet, little, baby boy. Shortly after the committee met, we found out we were the family placed in second position. Second. Second is a hard place to be, when you could so easily picture what it would have been like if the decision had gone the other way.
Our hearts are overjoyed to know that this little one has a new forever home.
forever.
We couldn't have known the pain that would come though, from those words, "almost."
The tears came, and just flowed. It was confusing because their was pain, mixed with joy for this boy we had prayed would find his family. That prayer was answered. Praise God!
"Mom, I want you to put your tears away."
-Blake
Crazy thing is, this loss to us, of what could have been, means we are closer to finding our child.
I woke up this morning Saw a world full of trouble now Thought, how’d we ever get so far down How’s it ever gonna turn around So I turned my eyes to Heaven I thought, “God, why don’t You do something?” Well, I just couldn’t bear the thought of People living in poverty Children sold into slavery The thought disgusted me So, I shook my fist at Heaven Said, “God, why don’t You do something?” He said...
I'd love like I'm not scared Give when it's not fair Live life for another Take time for a brother Fight for the weak ones Speak out for freedom...
If not us then who..."
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adoption>>>
This post has been stirring in my mind, and my heart for a couple months.
I just didn't know how to put it into words.
Summed up: It. Is. Hard. Waiting.
Even as I sit here and write that simple thought, it's all I can write to summarize what my heart feels. I knew the emotions would come, and that they would be different than being pregnant. Goodness me, they are incredibly different. Maybe it's the fact that I'm "expecting" a child, but no one can physically see it. Or perhaps it's that, when I am asked, I don't have much news to share; or the amount of time to share exactly how I'm feeling. I think though, it boils down to the fact that I can't stop thinking. I can't stop wondering. I can't stop praying.
All while we're waiting.
It hurts to know there are so many children waiting for homes; and my home is waiting for a child. It also hurts that waiting is something that can feel so lonely at times, even when you're surrounded by people. Sometimes the very people that you thought would support you, are nowhere to be found, while surprise others seem to come alongside without your even needing to ask. Giving grace...taking grace...being thankful for grace.
The following pictures are me...I'm "expecting." Can't you see? Looking at it brings tears to my eyes because what you can't see is the growth of love for this child I don't even know yet. What you can't see are the hours of classes; the time spent preparing for our unknown future. What you can't see are the prayers for a child. A child who might feel alone, may be in an unsafe environment, who doesn't know that there is a safe home, a mommy and daddy, brothers who are waiting for them to come home. What you also don't know is, these pictures were taken months apart...
Waiting.
We are fine waiting, but sometimes it's hard to wait for something so good. It's hard to watch other families also waiting to adopt, waiting to meet the child that God has specifically chosen for their family. Adoption is all about waiting.
What I am so thankful for, is even in my impatience, I am being taught patience by a God is eternally patient with me each day. I am so thankful that it is not up to me to force the adoption process to proceed, because I know there is a God who already has it all figured out. I am thankful for the gift of adoption. That He chose me to be His, and that He doesn't judge my past, but only asks that I love Him and live for Him.
I am waiting, but I am oh, so thankful.
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"There's hope in front of me There's a light, I still see it..."
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2015 K-Love Fan Awards Song of the Year (by Anthem Lights)
Our family of three is soon to grow into a family of FOUR...hard for me to wrap my head around when I really stop and think about it. But, then when I think back two years ago, Jason and I didn't know the amazing gift we were being blessed with before we met Blake. Amazing to think that once again a tiny blessing is going to change our lives; change it for the better.
Blake Denver - 19 Months and Counting
Our little baby is no longer that, he is officially a TODDLER. We are so thankful for the sweet little boy that we get the privilege to be parents to. Currently Blake is learning new things ALL the time. He is to the point that sometimes he hears a word once and can say it. He is a master of walking, and now has moved onto running. I am in love with his silly personality, and how he enjoys sharing it with everyone around him... "Hi," being his favorite thing to say still.
Some of his newest accomplishments and loves include:
Favorite Toys: ANYTHING with wheels, stuffed animals and bath toys.
Favorite Foods: Chicken dipped in ketchup, waffles (his first word almost every morning), "cooookie," grapes and more...he is a GOOD little eater.
Words he has mastered recently : bubbles (anything with water), help, pop, ho-ho, baby and yeah!
He call pick-up trucks "papa"...since both his drive them.
Animals he can make the sounds of: dog, monkey and horse
When you ask Blake where his baby is, he might point to either his tummy or mommy's. :)
Eating on his own! He loves using a fork, and is starting to use a spoon better too.
He loves swim lessons. He know kicks, "jumps" off the side and blows bubbles.
He can point out people's: eyes, nose, mouth, hair, tummy, toes and fingers.
Baby Bernard #2 - 18 Weeks
Oh to be pregnant again...in some ways it's like I never forgot what it felt like, and then in other ways I feel like I am once again totally new at this. It has been crazy to watch this time around how fast my body "remembered" what to do, and how FAST my baby bump started growing. This pregnancy has been so much easier from a physical standpoint. I kept waiting for the morning sickness I endured with Blake to set in, but each morning I woke up intensely hungry, but not sick! That was a BLESSING considering I am now also running around after a very active 'big' boy.
We were able to keep our new little bundle a surprise until Christmas morning...something we had hoped to do with Blake, but it appears second time is the charm. We had our ultrasound wrapped in a frame for the grandparents to open...I think my parents faces sum it up perfectly. :) This new little baby is coming into such a wonderful family, and I know I am not the only one that cannot wait to meet this little guy or girl.
Grandpa and Grandma's surprised faces when they found out about Baby #2
Speaking of gender...we are having our ultrasound in a few weeks, and the following evening we are having a 'Gender Reveal Party.' This one will be a little different than Blake's, because this time Jason and I are going to find out right along with everyone else. :) Either way though, I am so thankful for this little one that is growing inside me, and am thankful for the baby brother or sister that Blake will soon have.
One year ago Jason and my hearts were stolen by a tiny little man,
who
has grown into such a sweet, smiley and happy little boy.
It is impossible to imagine life without him in it.
The moment he was placed in my arms I was in love.
It has been such a wonderful year, and we feel blessed each day to get to be Blake's mom and dad.
So thankful for his happy smiles and all that he is learning.
He is ONE YEAR OLD! Amazing.
He is now over 22lbs...we will know more exact after his 12 month doctor appointment.
He has TWO teeth now; both on the bottom...so cute! He is working on the top ones now.
He has many new tricks like: pointing his finger when asked, "How old are you?", raising his arms when asked, "How big is Blake?", learned the sign for "more"...used when he wants food ;) and dances to music.
His favorite toys this month: WHEELS! Anything from cars to the vacuum cleaner, his music toys and the cats... ;)
His NEW foods tried this month: TONS of "real" people food like pears, lunch meat, bread and jelly and lasagna. :) All hits!
He is loving practicing walking...he smiles the whole time, unless he falls down.
He "dances" to music when it comes on all on his own...even has started "singing" along.
He LOVES the pool...whether that's his little backyard pool or the pool at swim lessons...water baby.
He rode on the back of a bike with mom for the first time, and loved it!
He celebrated father's day...so thankful for his daddy and the wonderful grandpas and great-grandpas in Blake's life. :)
He has learned how to go from laying down to sitting up all on his own...and pulls up, but only when he wants to, which is often times in the bathtub...
He discovered the stairs...only went up a couple...and may have gone down a couple too...
He celebrated his dad completing his Master's in Special Education. YEAH!
He is starting to feed himself with a fork...he was very proud of himself with that feat.
He had his first official swim lesson...and LOVED it! Went underwater and everything! :)
He celebrated Aunt Kinsey's 22nd birthday up in Portland...she gets married only FOUR short months, and then Blake will gain an uncle.
He went to the library to check out books with mom and dad during spring break.
He went down a slide...with mom...for the first time at Riverfront Park.
He has mastered army crawling...uses one arm to pull and the other to push.
His favorite toys this month: his new sensory board, stuffed animals and any toy with a button or light (that includes the TV remote and cell phones).
His NEW foods tried this month: apricot and cinnamon (mixed in with his cereal). Attempting to try more 'finger' foods...as of now he isn't to interested.
He is now only eating formula from a bottle...after he and I both got the flu and colds his interest and my supply just weren't the same.
He celebrated his first Easter. Even got to participate in his first Easter Egg Hunt at church.
He enjoys listening to music, and has started bobbing his head and "singing" when it comes on.
He sadly got a cold, which then spread to his sweet little eyes. What a trooper though, he still smiled through it all.
He LOVES being outside, whether it is a walk or playing on a blanket. First time his feet felt the grass was pretty cute. :)
He went on his first bike-ride with Grandpa and Grandma Nolz. He
rode in the trailer...see many more rides and memories to come. :)
He discovered how to fake cough, blow food bubbles and growl this month...oh what a sweet, silly little boy.
Happy 22nd Birthday sister! :)
Owen and Blake out to lunch (only a couple weeks apart in age)
I was recently reminded by a friend that this month marks the fact that Blake has been in this world the same amount of time that he had been in my womb. WOW. In those 18+ months this little boy went from microscopic cells to the smiling, sweet baby boy I am watching play with a new toy at my feet. After watching him grow from a small bump on my tummy, to a baby ready and raring to crawl I have to praise God for His hand and His blessing. Jason and I constantly thank the Lord for the blessing of Blake, and the grace that He shows us daily in helping us raise our son. Our minds are blown when we watch Blake discover new things, and look at us with that smile of understanding.
Thankful for you, our sweet little baby boy.
He is now 19lbs. 1.5oz. (25-50 percentile), 28.5 in (50-75 percentile).
He said, "DaDa," first, followed soon after by, "Mama."
His other favorite sounds: clicking your tongue, blowing bubbles and "gaga."
He is rolling all over, and will scoot on his head while pushing with his feet to move forward.
His favorite toys this month: magazines, straws and spoons, blocks and anything that when thrown makes a new sound :).
He has figured out toys with buttons, so he really enjoys playing with his musical toys.
His NEW foods tried this month: wheat cereal, blackberries, spinach, raspberries, puff crackers, yogurt bites (feed yourself with these) and chicken by itself (not a big fan of this one).
He LOVES his two cats. The moment he either sees or hears them, a huge smile and sound of excitement can be seen and heard.
He sadly got the flu this last month...thankfully it only last hours, and he was such a trooper; still smiling even when he felt so yucky.
He got to have his first sleep-over with his two-year old cousin Cayden. They love getting to see each other, and they had a lot of fun together: playing in the backyard, taking a bath and snuggling. :)
He went on his first bike-ride with Grandpa and Grandma Nolz. He rode in the trailer...see many more rides and memories to come. :)
He discovered mom's eyelashes, and still continues to hold my face while I feed him...one of my favorite things.
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