An Answer.

Truth.
Truth, today has been an emotional day.
Truth, God is still good.
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When you're walking through the adoption process, your heart is being stretched. Each step, each family's experience, is completely different, and yet so beautifully similar.  See adoptive families choose love. They are making the choice to love children that haven't experinced, or need to learn again what love is. "Every adoption is a miracle. After all, it is God working things out so that a hurting orphan finds his or her way into a family with open arms. It is the building of families in a way that allows God's plans to play out in a very real way" (A Treasury of Adoption Miracles).
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Every adoption is a miracle.

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This last week we asked you to pray. To pray a simple prayer. We prayed too. God answered; although He didn't answer perhaps in the way our hearts were hoping. Today we learned that a little girl will be placed in her forever home, just that, that home is not ours. Forever. We learned today that two twin boys will be going home to live with their older siblings, who have been previsouly adopted. They will be in a new forever home, but will grow up with some of their siblings. Forever.

That's beautiful.

That hurts.

But, that's God's plan.

We can totally see that. Although our hearts and home were ready and waiting for a, "You have been chosen," we believe that God answered our prayers, and the prayers of so many of you. 

These children are going home. 

Home. 

They are too young to comprehend their loss, but they will grow to learn all that they are gaining: security, love, family, siblings and hope. Because some couples chose to love, these little ones will now know what love is for the rest of their lives. So thankful for that.

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They are too young to comprehend their loss, 
but they will grow to learn all that they are gaining...
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After sharing this news with our parents, my dad reminded me that, "...you WERE selected twice before..." So amazengly true. Our hearts are waiting to welcome new children, but we are ever thankful for the sweet blessings of our children we get to shower with love each day. Our boys have taught us what it means to love, reguardless of how we feel physically or emotionally. We were chosen to be their parents, and for that we are so grateful. 

Truth. 

Truth, today has been an emotional day.
Truth, God is still good.

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A Treasury of Adoption Miracles by Karen Kingsbury

Joy & Contentment.

This summer has seemed to fly by; the last seven weeks especially as my family grew to four. My days seem to slip by; making breakfast, changing diapers, changing clothes, playing cars, eating lunch, feeding a baby, attempting to get two naps lined up for a few moments of quiet, snack time, cuddling on the couch, making dinner, playing outside, going on a walk, giving two little guys baths, brushing teeth, reading a story and sending two kiddos off to bed. I get tired just writing it down, knowing tomorrow is going to be somewhat the same.

Even though it's physically and mentally draining, each night when they are both asleep I sit down and am thankful for the blessing of getting to be their mom. It is a hard job but one that I wouldn't want to trade for a executive position of a six-figure salary. The "night night, love you mommy," and the tiny baby smiles are all the payment I need to know I'm doing a job well-done. Those are also the things I cling to on the not-so-good days.

It was after a really fun day at the zoo with the four of us, that I realized something. God's love, and grace shine through my two sweet little boys. During the day, each animal that Blake saw brought such pure joy to his face, and that joy radiated through him throughout the day. That night as I finished feeding Easton, and looked down, he was completely at peace; all his needs met.

Pure Joy & Complete Peace

Praying that I too can learn to live with that same joy and peace in my own life. It's a daily battle; and some days a battle from minute to minute. I know that it would be so easy to give in and let the hurts and hard things of this world take over. To let the lies creep in that say, "I'm not good enough," that "I am failing," and that, "I don't have it all together."

Thankful to have a God who already conquered those lies and the pain and trials of this world. Blessed to know that this imperfect world is not my forever home, but that He has a perfect home waiting for me. That even when I may not feel joyful based on my current circumstances, I can choose to LIVE a joyful life, because He gave me this one life to live. When I feel my wants are not being met, I can choose to LIVE a content life, because He gave me so much.

"God is good all the time.

Put a song of praise in this heart of mine.

God is good, He's so good, all the time."

Amazing Grace.

Easton Wayne Bernard

June 29, 2014

7 lbs. 2 oz.  20"

I was greatly blessed over nine months ago when I found out I was pregnant, and would be a mom again. I was blessed eight months ago when I heard the sweet sound of a heartbeat.  I was blessed five months ago when I found out I was having a son. But, the ultimate blessing was when I held my sweet Easton in my arms for the first time.

It all started Saturday morning at 5:30am. Friday afternoon I had had a routine check up at was at 2cm. Saturday I woke up and felt the first of many contractions, although I knew what I was feeling was not strong enough to do much. Throughout the day my contractions would come and go, but weren't getting stronger or closer together. Around four in the afternoon we went on a walk, and that seemed to get my contractions moving along a little more; between 5-8 min apart. After eating dinner, we chose to go get checked at the hospital just in case we were further along than we thought.

We got to the maternity triage, and were checked around 7:00pm. At that point I was at 4cm, but my contractions weren't consistent enough for them to keep me. So after walking the halls for an hour and being monitored, we were sent home with the goodbye from the nurse of, "See you later on tonight."

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We made it home around 9:30pm, and by ten I was laying in bed having intense contractions between 2-9 minutes apart. The "real" contractions had begun. These were strong ones that would last over two minutes at times, and often wouldn't actually come back down...I knew we needed to get to the hospital, and fast! Thankfully Aunt Carrie was already spending the night at our house to watch Blake, so we were able to leave for the hospital around 11pm.

Since it was past 'working hours' we had to check in though the ER...when they asked me what I was being seen for, I felt like the answer should be pretty obvious. Thankfully my answer of, "Active labor," was good enough to wheel me through a maze of hallways back to the Labor and Delivery unit. The same nurse 'welcomed' us back...although all I wanted was to get to our delivery room. After being checked a little after 11pm, I was at was at 6cm, and officially admitted to have my boy!

You would think walking a few doors down the hall wouldn't be so hard...but during that short FIVE minute walk my body dilated from six to ten centimeters...a pain I never could have imagined. My body would not stop shaking the whole time I was in labor...looking back, I would do it all again. Somehow the amazing anesthesiologist was able to get me a epidural in less than six minutes...something the doctor was very proud of; all I cared about was it worked, and worked fast. It was officially time to meet our newest little boy.

At 2:59am, after pushing for about 40 minutes, our sweet little Easton was born. One of the things I will never forget, is I was the one that got to pull him onto my chest. What an amazing feeling to hold your son and after so much pain, be the one that physically carries him into this world. Looking into his tiny face, I couldn't help but think how much he looked like me, and how 'big' is was...well lots bigger than his brother had been at birth.

Blake's first time meeting his little brother.

My heart was instantly so full; my family of three was now blessed beyond what I ever could have imagined to now be a family of four.

Zoo Trip - July 2014

The feelings of great blessings continued as Easton met his grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, but more importantly when he met his brother. Blake loved pointing out Easton's tiny face, fingers and toes...so many amazing memories to come watching these two grow as brothers and as friends.

Toddler Days & Baby Dreams

Our family of three is soon to grow into a family of FOUR...hard for me to wrap my head around when I really stop and think about it. But, then when I think back two years ago, Jason and I didn't know the amazing gift we were being blessed with before we met Blake. Amazing to think that once again a tiny blessing is going to change our lives; change it for the better.

Blake Denver - 19 Months and Counting
Our little baby is no longer that, he is officially a TODDLER. We are so thankful for the sweet little boy that we get the privilege to be parents to.  Currently Blake is learning new things ALL the time. He is to the point that sometimes he hears a word once and can say it. He is a master of walking, and now has moved onto running. I am in love with his silly personality, and how he enjoys sharing it with everyone around him... "Hi," being his favorite thing to say still.

Some of his newest accomplishments and loves include:

• Favorite Toys: ANYTHING with wheels, stuffed animals and bath toys.
• Favorite Foods: Chicken dipped in ketchup, waffles (his first word almost every morning), "cooookie," grapes and more...he is a GOOD little eater.
• Words he has mastered recently : bubbles (anything with water), help, pop, ho-ho, baby and yeah!
• He call pick-up trucks "papa"...since both his drive them.
• Animals he can make the sounds of: dog, monkey and horse
• When you ask Blake where his baby is, he might point to either his tummy or mommy's. :)
• Eating on his own! He loves using a fork, and is starting to use a spoon better too.
• He loves swim lessons. He know kicks, "jumps" off the side and blows bubbles. 
• He can point out people's: eyes, nose, mouth, hair, tummy, toes and fingers.

Baby Bernard #2 - 18 Weeks
Oh to be pregnant again...in some ways it's like I never forgot what it felt like, and then in other ways I feel like I am once again totally new at this.  It has been crazy to watch this time around how fast my body "remembered" what to do, and how FAST my baby bump started growing. This pregnancy has been so much easier from a physical standpoint. I kept waiting for the morning sickness I endured with Blake to set in, but each morning I woke up intensely hungry, but not sick! That was a BLESSING considering I am now also running around after a very active 'big' boy.

We were able to keep our new little bundle a surprise until Christmas morning...something we had hoped to do with Blake, but it appears second time is the charm. We had our ultrasound wrapped in a frame for the grandparents to open...I think my parents faces sum it up perfectly. :) This new little baby is coming into such a wonderful family, and I know I am not the only one that cannot wait to meet this little guy or girl.

Grandpa and Grandma's surprised faces when they found out about Baby #2

Speaking of gender...we are having our ultrasound in a few weeks, and the following evening we are having a 'Gender Reveal Party.' This one will be a little different than Blake's, because this time Jason and I are going to find out right along with everyone else. :) Either way though, I am so thankful for this little one that is growing inside me, and am thankful for the baby brother or sister that Blake will soon have.

Some BIG, Little Things...

Taking JOY in the small things is something that I have really been trying to focus on the last few months. Life just goes by too fast, and if you aren't paying attention, you are going to miss out on some big, little things. Thankful that during this time of year we are reminded to be thankful...strange that sometimes we need to be reminded of that, but it is true we do.

I am very thankful for the big things like family, friends, our home, health and so many more, but there are so many other things that I am grateful for. Here are some of the recent things I have noticed:

• The soft feel of cotton sheets at night.
• When Blake wants to read a book he crawls up in your lap.
• The sweet sound of cousins playing with each other.
• A cup of coffee shared with a friend by the fireplace.
• The smell of a newborn baby.
• Chubby legs and big bellies. 
• The wind blowing the last leaves from a giant oak tree.
• Babies speaking in their own language.
• The smell of dinner cooking throughout the day.

Those are just a few of the moments I'm trying to remember and reflect on. Things so simple, and yet so important in my day. Take JOY today in the small things in your life...once you start looking for them you will be surprised how many you are able to come up with.

“Joy is the realest reality, the fullest life, 

and joy is always given, never grasped. 

God gives gifts and I give thanks and 

I unwrap the gift given: joy.” 

                                                                                                                          ~Ann Voskamp, author of, "One Thousand Gifts"

 

"Mama, Car, Dog, Dada"

Blake Denver Bernard

16 Months Old

 

Where does the time go? Everyone says that as you get older time goes by faster, but I think watching your kids grow up is what makes it fly by. This last month I really feel like our little baby has started to become a little boy. When I snap a picture of him, or watch him master a new skill I can't help but picture him as a little baby all snuggled in my arms. I am starting to understand why my mom and dad still see me as there 'little' girl...it is hard and exciting to watch your little one grow up.

This last month I feel like every time I turned around, Blake was learning something new. Whether it is a fine motor skill, or learning a new word, he is always learning something. It has been so amazing to watch him become excited and proud when he masters something for the first time...makes his mom a little proud too. :)

Some of my favorite things he has accomplished this month are:

• Using his walking toys, and running all over the place.
• Asking to read his Bible each night by pointing and signing, "Please."
• He says, "tickle, tickle," and he will tickle with your fingers.
• He gives the best hugs and kisses. :)
• When we pray he puts his hands together.
• When he reads a book and closes it, he signs, "All done."
• He says "hot" whenever he sees a fireplace or fire.
• He can say "cat," but most animals are all still dogs.
• When he picks up any phone, he puts it up to his ear to answer it.
• He is a TALKER...all the time. He makes facial expressions and uses his hands while he 'talks.'
• He is all about cars, books and stuffed animals...while driving he will tell me where each "car" is.

I love my busy little boy, and am so blessed to get to be his mommy. What an amazing honor to get to watch a tiny baby grow up into a little boy. Amazed at how the time has gone so fast, but so thankful for the time that I have with my sweet Blakers. 

Mom Fail.

Sometimes as moms we fail. It's not that we want to get it wrong, but we do. Parts of today felt like one of those days. I so want to help my sweet little man to learn and grow, but might have pushed it too far...

*  *  *

You see, Blake doesn't walk yet, and I am pretty sure that it's not that he can't walk, it is that he is just choosing not too. I am totally fine with this, and it really doesn't surprise me all that much considering that's been his personality his entire life. That beings said, I have been providing Blake with ample opportunities to learn and grow his "walking" skills.

Lately I have felt like we were getting closer, and make big strides in moving in a vertical manner. Blake enjoys walking holding onto one finger, and he also enjoys climbing the couch. Brilliantly I thought, "Let's combine the two, and see if he will walk from us to the couch." HE TOOK FOUR STEPS ON HIS OWN TO THE COUCH. My celebration should have stayed there, I should have accepted those amazing four steps and been good, but I wasn't satisfied.

*  *  *

I scooted back another couple feet, and helped Blake's momentum move forward. Blake's sweet toothy smile went forward, but I failed to calculate the fact that his head balance is still not so great...His sweet excited face rammed into the base of the couch. As if his stunned, silent screams weren't enough, his tiny nose started to bleed. My heart broke as he struggled to breathe through his tears.

I know that I didn't do it to him. I know also that I could not have predicted that would happen, but the guilt had already set in. The thing is, Blake didn't hold a grudge. In fact although I was the one that had set him up to ultimately get hurt, I was the one person that he wanted for comfort. He climbed up in my arms, and let me rock him until his tears and cries stopped. 

*  *  *

As his body relaxed, I realized that sometimes Blake is going to fall and get hurt, but that I will be the one that he turns to as long as I am there to help him pick up the pieces. I also learned that when he is hurting, he isn't the only one that does, I do too. This mommy lesson was one that I wish I didn't have to learn. Poor little Blake now has two lumps on his forehead (from previous accidents) and how a cut and swollen nose...learning new things is hard to do. Thankful that tomorrow is a new day, and that I can get a fresh start.

Before & After

Considering the fact that my "baby" is now almost 16 months old I thought it might be good to finally get some pictures of his room transformation. I figure that in the next few years it will change into a 'big-boy' room, so I wanted to make sure to document his nursery before anything changes.

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I will admit...looking at the before pictures of his room, both Jason and I questioned why we bought our house in the first place...it needed some work and love that's for sure.

BEFORE

Blake's room was the first room in the house we wanted to make sure we got started on and finished...you can tell by my painting pictures that little Blake was going to be coming soon. :)  If you have ever been pregnant and 'nested,' you know that this room might have been enough to send you over the edge.  Eventually though we got it all done...not before he arrived though, since someone decided to come three-weeks early.

We literally ended up re-doing everything in the room. From new outlets, floor and window molding, carpet and paint, we worked hard to transform this dingy room into one that our sweet little boy could grow to love.

Painting the Stripes:
Step 1: Tape out the correct widths for the stripes.
Step 2: Use the original base color (gray) paint, and paint over the tape side you are going to paint the new color (white). (See this step in the picture) This step seals the tape line, so that when you remove the tape after painting you have a crisp line with little touch-ups needed. Amazing time saver!
Step 3: Then paint the white on the other stripes. After it dries, touch up the paint and carefully peal off the tape.

Building the window-seat was one of our goals for the spot in front of the window. Thankfully Jason's dad was able to help make it happen. I love this special touch to his room.

AFTER

Blake's favorite place in his room...Reading books and snuggling in the rocking chair.