Mom Fail.

Sometimes as moms we fail. It's not that we want to get it wrong, but we do. Parts of today felt like one of those days. I so want to help my sweet little man to learn and grow, but might have pushed it too far...

*  *  *

You see, Blake doesn't walk yet, and I am pretty sure that it's not that he can't walk, it is that he is just choosing not too. I am totally fine with this, and it really doesn't surprise me all that much considering that's been his personality his entire life. That beings said, I have been providing Blake with ample opportunities to learn and grow his "walking" skills.

Lately I have felt like we were getting closer, and make big strides in moving in a vertical manner. Blake enjoys walking holding onto one finger, and he also enjoys climbing the couch. Brilliantly I thought, "Let's combine the two, and see if he will walk from us to the couch." HE TOOK FOUR STEPS ON HIS OWN TO THE COUCH. My celebration should have stayed there, I should have accepted those amazing four steps and been good, but I wasn't satisfied.

*  *  *

I scooted back another couple feet, and helped Blake's momentum move forward. Blake's sweet toothy smile went forward, but I failed to calculate the fact that his head balance is still not so great...His sweet excited face rammed into the base of the couch. As if his stunned, silent screams weren't enough, his tiny nose started to bleed. My heart broke as he struggled to breathe through his tears.

I know that I didn't do it to him. I know also that I could not have predicted that would happen, but the guilt had already set in. The thing is, Blake didn't hold a grudge. In fact although I was the one that had set him up to ultimately get hurt, I was the one person that he wanted for comfort. He climbed up in my arms, and let me rock him until his tears and cries stopped. 

*  *  *

As his body relaxed, I realized that sometimes Blake is going to fall and get hurt, but that I will be the one that he turns to as long as I am there to help him pick up the pieces. I also learned that when he is hurting, he isn't the only one that does, I do too. This mommy lesson was one that I wish I didn't have to learn. Poor little Blake now has two lumps on his forehead (from previous accidents) and how a cut and swollen nose...learning new things is hard to do. Thankful that tomorrow is a new day, and that I can get a fresh start.