Crusty Cheese.

If there was a picture that could sum up a moment in life, it could be crusty Mac & Cheese. I had just baked some fresh bread, well the bread machine had, and I had my favorite candle burning. Needless to say, the house smelled good. Maybe it was me trying to cover up the other "smells" that also seemed to keep 'popping' out that day too, but for the moment it smelled good.

As I walked out of the kitchen though, it hit me, I had two pictures, or points of view, I could choose to focus on today. One was clean, fresh and relaxing. The other was dirty, tasteless and stinky. Seems like an obvious choice which picture I or anyone would choose, but it's interesting how easy it is to pick the crusty over the delicious.

________________

"...I have set before you life and death, 

blessings and curses. Now choose life..." 

Deuteronomy 30:19
________________

It's a choice. Each day, each moment, I have a choice as to how I'm going to view what is going on around me. Do I have to love the dirty and smelly, absolutely not, but I don't have to dwell in them. I also shouldn't ignore those things, because even if I wished they would just disappear, the stinky things of life are going to continue to happen. So, I can deal with the yucky stuff, and then spend my time dwelling the the yummy stuff; resting in the good.

So now I'm going to go clean up a baby, rinse off some crusty cheese, and take in some good.

Mommy Moments.

"Uh-oh mommy...Mommy I'm hungry....

Mom, yucky...Mommy, mama, mom!"

If you're not careful this can happen, correction will happen, if and when you become a mom. I love that name, and all the many forms and tones it comes in. I dreamt of becoming a mom when I was little. Imagined all of the sweet snuggles, bath time fun and walks to the park. These dreams are now my reality, and I am so thankful for the little boys that changed my title and direction in life.

After adding in baby boy number two, I've learned some things already. I am surrounded by cars, trains, diapers and dirt all the time. My boys could care less if I've showered, painted my nails, exercised or eaten breakfast myself. The days go so fast, yet the hour before dad comes home seems to drag on. The moment they are resting peacefully in their rooms, I stop and scan the house...

"...Do I take a ' mommy moment,' 

or do I cook, clean or complain."

It is in this moment a choice is made, do I take a 'mommy moment,' or do I cook, clean or complain. I'll admit,  I often tend to lean toward the latter. I've realized even if dinner is ready, the house is clean and my mind is clear; if I haven't invested time in me, I'm no good. I've learned I need to fuel myself if I'm going to help my busy family run smoothly.

"If I haven't invested time in me, I'm no good."

I don't know why taking a moment for myself can be so hard. Perhaps it's because I enjoy putting others before me, but I know too that those same 'others' love me, and want me to be happy too. So I've been trying to be more diligent in taking time during the day to be at rest for me. Reading my Bible, drinking a coffee, while sitting down, putting on make-up, painting or writing, these all serve the same purpose. These are are MY moments, not theirs. I have learned its not being selfish or lazy to invest in me.

Even the woman described in Proverbs 31, after taking care of her family and home, also took care of herself. She spent time: weaving, cooking, gardening, exercising, sewing, giving, decorating, selling and studying God's word (Proverbs 31:10-31).  I used to read through this section and think, "Man that's a crazy list. I don't have time for that." But the truth is, I want the result from living a life like she did, "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come...Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her..." (Pro. 31:25,28). She is living a life of peace and rest, and those living with her on a daily basis can see a difference in her. I want this too.

"These are MY moments, not theirs."

So now, everyday, I vow to take some time to fill myself up. Some days this might be only a few minutes, while other days (depending on nap time success...or not), it might be longer. The importance is not the length of time, but the intention behind the time I set aside. I vow to be intentional toward how I treat myself. If I take a 'mommy moment,' then everyone, not just me, will be positively affected. "Honor her for all that her hands have done..." (Pro. 31:31).

"Be still, and know that I am God"

I just got back my letter I wrote myself when I went on the woman's retreat this last spring with Salem Heights (we write letters to ourselves, and they are sent to us a few months later).  It was an amazing weekend to spend with family and friends; learning that I am truly not alone.  Here is the letter I wrote myself, encouraging words that are always good to hear...

"Life has its' ups and downs, but you are far from alone.  

You have a God that is far above all things.  

Keep believing, trusting in the Lord when you don't understand 

what is going on around you.  

Remember the promises you have read in His word, 

'...He will make your paths straight...' (Proverbs 3:6).  

Those paths though, may be different than you thought or expected, 

but they are the roads your father wants you to take.  

Lean on Him to show you the way."

Encouraging verses: 2 Kings 18:3-7; Eph. 4:32; Hebrews 13:5; Isaiah 43:18; Exodous 2; Colossians 3:12-15; Phil. 3:13-15; Jer. 29:11-14; Matthew 18:21-35; Psalm 46:10; Psalm 147:3; Psalm 40; John 16:33 and Psalm 37:7

"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

Restful.

That is the word that I would describe our summer.  With rest though comes the opportunity to really think about what the future may hold.  Since we both lost our jobs at the end of the school year due to budget cuts our futures are somewhat up in the air.

With all this uncertainty comes the nagging thought of, "Why?"  I am so thankful that God put into Jason and I the desire to teach and to want to impact people, but without teaching jobs set up as of yet, it makes me wonder what we will be doing in the next few months.  But, I did say that 'restful' was how I was feeling...and that is true.

The only way I can describe it, is that I know that we aren't doing anything wrong, it's not that we aren't trying or putting ourselves out there.  The truth is, is that our "perfect" plan for our lives is not the ultimate perfect plan of God.  So, I am resting in that truth.

I am resting in the fact that He has not let us slip though the cracks, but that He is just waiting to let us see the beautiful work He is going to do through us.  I am resting in the fact that I know we will be taken care of, and that we will not be without what we need.  Although we want jobs, something perfectly okay to want, it appears that may not be what we needed this summer.

It appears this summer we needed time to rest, or at least I did.  This summer is giving Jason time to go to school to complete his master's degree in special education; a passion and gift he has that constantly amazes me.  So, as the summer continues, we will not stop working hard, praying hard and will REST in the fact that God's plans are far greater than anything we could have come up with.

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this [trial], that it should leave me.  

But, he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, 

so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with 

weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. 

For when I am weak, then I am strong.

I thank the Lord that I can rest in His grace and His plan, and that when I go through trails, and the people around me go through hardships that He is in control. I will be honest and admit that I do struggle with wondering why God does not take certain afflictions and hurt away, but I also know that He works ALL things through for His glory and for His plan.  I know that I may never know the full extent for why He allows specific trials to cross my path, but I am resting in the fact that when I am walking through those trials, I am not walking in them alone.

Jesus overcame the ultimate trail, when He was crucified on the cross for me; a fact that is so easy to ignore and forget.  He overcame the grave and rose, so that I would not have to have sorrow and pain, but that I could come to Him and allow Him to fill my heart and heal me.  He is the rock that I can stand upon; a rock that is stronger than a job, stronger than relationships, stronger than me.

That section of verses really impacted me...to feel strong in weakness....when I am feeling weak the last thing that I am feeling is strong, and yet I realize that when I am feeling so weak, it is when I need Him and seek Him the most.  It is so "easy" to think that I have it all in 'control,' and that I can make it on my own, but the truth is God is waiting for me to turn to Him and lean on His power, grace and love.

From now on I choose to let His strength get me through, not my own, "For when I am weak, then I am STRONG."

I will leave you with this video of one of my favorite songs, I Will Rise, by Chris Tomlin: