While we're waiting...

"every good and

perfect gift,

is from above..."

James 1:17

-------

Last year, 11,238 children spent at least one day in some kind of foster care in Oregon (2015).

An average of 7,570 children were in foster care on a daily basis.

56.1% of these children were reunited with their families.

A total of 814 children had adoptions finalized in 2015.

Information From: 2015 Child Welfare Data Book

-------

"...to look after

orphans...in their distress..."

James 1:27

-------

These are the numbers, these are the truths, these are children.

These are the children that we have been praying for specifically. Praying that one of them would come out of their brokenness, brokenness they did not ask for or seek, and find a new family through adoption. We have submitted our family for a handful of little lives, and have fervently prayed that regardless if they end up with us, that they would end up in a forever home.

The last two years, we've had the privilege of serving foster families, and foster kids through the programs, 'Foster Parent Night Out.' Once a month, we spend four hours on a Saturday evening, pouring love into the lives of foster kids local to the area. Their foster parents then get some time to spend together. It's a beautiful thing to witness each month. We've seen kids grow, change and become part of a family, due to living in a stable environment, some for the first time in their young lives.  Perhaps the most encouraging thing we've witnessed getting to serve in this way, is the change in our own hearts.

We always knew we loved these sweet children. We don't view them as broken, their lives might be, but they are beautiful. We have the desire to adopt. 

But, what do we do while we wait?

That is where the change came about. It's not about us. It's not about our feelings. It's truly about the children. That being said, starting in June, we are going to begin fostering children.  More specifically, young children.  We will be fostering children that have a higher potential to become adoptable. 

There are no guarantees. 

Yes, it will be hard.

But, it will be so worth it.

What we can guarantee, is that whether a child is in our home for one day, six months, or forever, they will know they are loved, they will know they are safe. Even though it may be hard, what these children have endured is far worse, and they won't have to endure it on their own. It will be worth it, not for what we can offer, or what we will gain, but because we will see little lives change for the better. It will be worth it because this might be how we meet our next child. What a blessing it would be to meet them, care for them and love them from the moment they come into care, from the moment they come into our home. 

Regardless if we meet our next child through foster care to eventual adoption, or through adoption, we know this is the path we need to take for our family. It might seem scary to some, maybe even crazy, but honestly it used to seem that way to me too when I would see another family fostering. But it doesn't anymore. Which is why we are so confident in this choice. We aren't sure on how long, what it will look like or what children we will have, but we do know this is right where we are suppose to be.

in the wait.

Wait.

Maybe...

Nope, just wait.

Just wait, I've got this...

We've all been there; in the wait. It's especially hard to wait when you're waiting for something good, something you can't do on your own. We are in the wait for our third child...and what a beautifully painful wait it is to wade through adoption.

adoption.

This past fall, we were selected to go to committee for a sweet, little, baby boy. Shortly after the committee met, we found out we were the family placed in second position. Second.  Second is a hard place to be, when you could so easily picture what it would have been like if the decision had gone the other way.

Our hearts are overjoyed to know that this little one has a new forever home.

forever.

We couldn't have known the pain that would come though, from those words, "almost."
The tears came, and just flowed. It was confusing because their was pain, mixed with joy for this boy we had prayed would find his family. That prayer was answered. Praise God!

"Mom, I want you to put your tears away."

-Blake

Crazy thing is, this loss to us, of what could have been, means we are closer to finding our child. 

We are closer to meeting them. 

We are closer to bringing them home. 

We are closer; and we will continue the wait.

adoption : the act or process of beginning 

to use something new or different

Waiting...if not us then who?

"Cause I hear a voice and it calls me redeemed,

when other's say I'll never be enough.

And greater is the One living inside of me,

than he who is living in the world.

 

I woke up this morning
Saw a world full of trouble now
Thought, how’d we ever get so far down
How’s it ever gonna turn around
So I turned my eyes to Heaven
I thought, “God, why don’t You do something?”
Well, I just couldn’t bear the thought of
People living in poverty
Children sold into slavery
The thought disgusted me
So, I shook my fist at Heaven
Said, “God, why don’t You do something?”
He said...

 

I'd love like I'm not scared
Give when it's not fair
Live life for another
Take time for a brother
Fight for the weak ones
Speak out for freedom...

 

If not us then who..."

____________________________________

 

 

adoption>>>

 

This post has been stirring in my mind, and my heart for a couple months.

I just didn't know how to put it into words.

 

Summed up: It. Is. Hard. Waiting.

 

Even as I sit here and write that simple thought, it's all I can write to summarize what my heart feels. I knew the emotions would come, and that they would be different than being pregnant.  Goodness me, they are incredibly different. Maybe it's the fact that I'm "expecting" a child, but no one can physically see it. Or perhaps it's that, when I am asked, I don't have much news to share; or the amount of time to share exactly how I'm feeling. I think though, it boils down to the fact that I can't stop thinking. I can't stop wondering. I can't stop praying.

 

All while we're waiting. 

 

It hurts to know there are so many children waiting for homes; and my home is waiting for a child. It also hurts that waiting is something that can feel so lonely at times, even when you're surrounded by people.  Sometimes the very people that you thought would support you, are nowhere to be found, while surprise others seem to come alongside without your even needing to ask. Giving grace...taking grace...being thankful for grace.

 

The following pictures are me...I'm "expecting." Can't you see? Looking at it brings tears to my eyes because what you can't see is the growth of love for this child I don't even know yet. What you can't see are the hours of classes; the time spent preparing for our unknown future.  What you can't see are the prayers for a child.  A child who might feel alone, may be in an unsafe environment, who doesn't know that there is a safe home, a mommy and daddy, brothers who are waiting for them to come home.  What you also don't know is, these pictures were taken months apart...

 

Waiting.

 

We are fine waiting, but sometimes it's hard to wait for something so good. It's hard to watch other families also waiting to adopt, waiting to meet the child that God has specifically chosen for their family. Adoption is all about waiting.

 

What I am so thankful for, is even in my impatience, I am being taught patience by a God is eternally patient with me each day.  I am so thankful that it is not up to me to force the adoption process to proceed, because I know there is a God who already has it all figured out. I am thankful for the gift of adoption. That He chose me to be His, and that He doesn't judge my past, but only asks that I love Him and live for Him.

 

I am waiting, but I am oh, so thankful.

 ____________________________________

 

"There's hope in front of me
There's a light, I still see it..."

____________________________________

 

 

2015 K-Love Fan Awards Song of the Year (by Anthem Lights)

becoming a {family}

"Father to the fatherless...God places the lonely in families..."

Psalm 68:5

From the time I was a little girl, I somehow knew what adoption was. My Barbie's had adopted children, and I always secretly hoped that my parents would adopt a big brother for me. As far as I know, I wasn't exposed to adoption specifically; had no friends that were adopted, or family taking that step. It was just something that was always on my mind, and slowly became part of my heart. When Jason and I were dating even, the topic of adoption was discussed between us, and only continued to become deeper as we started our own family. 

"YOU are a helper of the fatherless..."

Psalm 10:14

What many people don't know, is that our adoption process has already been in "process" for almost two years. Back in May 2013 we made the first of many phone calls to our case worker to find out the initial steps we needed to take. Since then, we have really left this dream to adopt in the Lord's hands. We are confident that if we are to adopt, that He has the perfect child for our family. We are not rushing the process...not that you really can. We feel that if this is where our hearts are at, that it is going to happen in His perfect timing, not our own. There is a huge sense of peace that comes along with that; letting go.

"When I wait, You strengthen my heart."

Psalm 27:14

We also decided to adopt through DHS (Department of Human Services). This means that a child we adopt is coming out of the foster care system. This form of adoption required, and I am so thankful, many hours or training. I will write about that later on, but the training's were, and will be critical in knowing how to best care for and love the child that is placed in our home. 

PROTECT + PROVIDE = LOVE

______________________

Current Update: As of February 2015, we were re-certified, and our initial home study was re-activated for another year. We are able to "put in" for specific children if we choose. We are being very specific on the children we are putting in for, putting the needs of our two boys first, as well as our family in general. 

May 29, 2013 (journal to our future child)

Adoption is something I always knew  I wanted to do, but now we better know this was and is God's timing. Right now we are praying for your safety and health...We love you! Mom

Crusty Cheese.

If there was a picture that could sum up a moment in life, it could be crusty Mac & Cheese. I had just baked some fresh bread, well the bread machine had, and I had my favorite candle burning. Needless to say, the house smelled good. Maybe it was me trying to cover up the other "smells" that also seemed to keep 'popping' out that day too, but for the moment it smelled good.

As I walked out of the kitchen though, it hit me, I had two pictures, or points of view, I could choose to focus on today. One was clean, fresh and relaxing. The other was dirty, tasteless and stinky. Seems like an obvious choice which picture I or anyone would choose, but it's interesting how easy it is to pick the crusty over the delicious.

________________

"...I have set before you life and death, 

blessings and curses. Now choose life..." 

Deuteronomy 30:19
________________

It's a choice. Each day, each moment, I have a choice as to how I'm going to view what is going on around me. Do I have to love the dirty and smelly, absolutely not, but I don't have to dwell in them. I also shouldn't ignore those things, because even if I wished they would just disappear, the stinky things of life are going to continue to happen. So, I can deal with the yucky stuff, and then spend my time dwelling the the yummy stuff; resting in the good.

So now I'm going to go clean up a baby, rinse off some crusty cheese, and take in some good.

Mommy Moments.

"Uh-oh mommy...Mommy I'm hungry....

Mom, yucky...Mommy, mama, mom!"

If you're not careful this can happen, correction will happen, if and when you become a mom. I love that name, and all the many forms and tones it comes in. I dreamt of becoming a mom when I was little. Imagined all of the sweet snuggles, bath time fun and walks to the park. These dreams are now my reality, and I am so thankful for the little boys that changed my title and direction in life.

After adding in baby boy number two, I've learned some things already. I am surrounded by cars, trains, diapers and dirt all the time. My boys could care less if I've showered, painted my nails, exercised or eaten breakfast myself. The days go so fast, yet the hour before dad comes home seems to drag on. The moment they are resting peacefully in their rooms, I stop and scan the house...

"...Do I take a ' mommy moment,' 

or do I cook, clean or complain."

It is in this moment a choice is made, do I take a 'mommy moment,' or do I cook, clean or complain. I'll admit,  I often tend to lean toward the latter. I've realized even if dinner is ready, the house is clean and my mind is clear; if I haven't invested time in me, I'm no good. I've learned I need to fuel myself if I'm going to help my busy family run smoothly.

"If I haven't invested time in me, I'm no good."

I don't know why taking a moment for myself can be so hard. Perhaps it's because I enjoy putting others before me, but I know too that those same 'others' love me, and want me to be happy too. So I've been trying to be more diligent in taking time during the day to be at rest for me. Reading my Bible, drinking a coffee, while sitting down, putting on make-up, painting or writing, these all serve the same purpose. These are are MY moments, not theirs. I have learned its not being selfish or lazy to invest in me.

Even the woman described in Proverbs 31, after taking care of her family and home, also took care of herself. She spent time: weaving, cooking, gardening, exercising, sewing, giving, decorating, selling and studying God's word (Proverbs 31:10-31).  I used to read through this section and think, "Man that's a crazy list. I don't have time for that." But the truth is, I want the result from living a life like she did, "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come...Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her..." (Pro. 31:25,28). She is living a life of peace and rest, and those living with her on a daily basis can see a difference in her. I want this too.

"These are MY moments, not theirs."

So now, everyday, I vow to take some time to fill myself up. Some days this might be only a few minutes, while other days (depending on nap time success...or not), it might be longer. The importance is not the length of time, but the intention behind the time I set aside. I vow to be intentional toward how I treat myself. If I take a 'mommy moment,' then everyone, not just me, will be positively affected. "Honor her for all that her hands have done..." (Pro. 31:31).

"God is Bigger than the Boogie Man..."

"God is bigger than the boogie man,

He's bigger than Godzilla, or the monsters on TV.

Oh, God is bigger than the boogie man,

And He's watching out for you and me."

- Veggie Tales 'God is Bigger'

While I was sitting on the couch feeding my sweet two-month old baby, this song popped into my head. It was a song made popular by the 'Veggie Tales' movies; and the writers did their job well because it is still engraved in my brain. The thing is though, as I've lived more life, the fears and problems that I've watched family, friends and myself face are bigger than the fictional characters sung about in this song.

Even though these problems are so much bigger; whether physical, emotional or spiritual hurts; the truth is, is that God is bigger. Going through hard times in this life is a given; one truth that I wish weren't a reality. As a mother, I wish I could protect my boys from having to suffer any sort of pain or hurt. I wish I could foresee the pain that is coming ahead.  Looking back though, over my own pain and struggles, I can clearly see that it was during those unknown times that I was brought closer to the Lord.

The trials that seemed to spring up in my own life, were not surprises to God. In fact, He knew they were coming, and is already waiting and ready to be there for me when the next one hits. He is bigger. He is all-knowing. He is God.

"The trials that seemed to spring up 

in my own life, 

were not surprises to God."

I do find myself wondering sometimes, "Why wouldn't He stop that from coming? Why did ____ have to endure that? I didn't ask for this. Why..." The conclusion that I've come to, is that sadly in this life I'm not going to necessarily understand or get answered the 'whys.' We live in a broken world where people make poor choices, we make wrong decisions and "good" people end up getting hurt. While those things are all true, God is bigger, stronger and has already overcome this world. He is bigger than the hard things I've already endured, and He isn't going to change when it comes to the things yet to come in my life. He has the power to turn a hurtful and dark situation into the light; He can make what the world intends for evil into good.

"God is bigger, stronger 

and has already overcome this world."

I can't help but think of the story of Joseph in the Bible. A young boy, so despised by his own brothers that he was sold into slavery; while his own father believed he had been viciously killed. God could have left Joseph's story there. God could have said, "Well, that's a bummer, wish his brothers hadn't made such a bad choice." The truth is, Joseph had faith. He believed that even though his present situation looked bleak, that God was bigger, and could make 'good' come of such hurt. After years apart, when Joseph meets his brothers face-to-face he lets them know what he learned, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done..." (Genesis 50:20). Joseph trusted the Lord in the midst of heartache and pain; Joseph was blessed. God is bigger, and He is able to make good out of even the hardest and most painful situations.

"You intended to harm me, 

but God intended it for good to accomplish 

what is now being done..."

So thankful that each morning when I wake up, and each night that I go to bed that I am not alone. I have a God that is, and has fought for me. He is faithful and unchanging; even when the situations in life are not. He has the power to make good out of evil. I'm thankful that He is the one, "watching out for you and me."